the postpartum body
Alternate title: I think I ate too much cake whilst pregnant.
I haven’t really spoken about body changes and weight fluctuations in this space before. But now seems as good a time as any to delve into the mystifying subject of the postpartum body.
In each of my pregnancies I have gained about 20kg. Judging by the general consensus of mums I know and going by the numbers printed on pregnancy websites, I’d say this is just a tad above average. While my weight gaining experience has been much the same each time (although I do tend to carry heavier when pregnant with a boy) I have noticed that my postpartum body is very different with each pregnancy. Granted my memory of that first year with baby is always hazy but I am certain that third time around, my body is most definitely not returning to its pre-baby self any time soon.
I have little to no regard for the size of my body in the first few weeks after birth. I’m positive this has everything to do with those lovely, powerful hormones that keep every single thought focussed on baby. But at around the four month mark when the hormones bid farewell, the newborn bubble bursts, my hair starts to fall out and my nails chip…that’s when I start to notice the changes. As one of my beautiful friends said to me recently: “I was sitting on the couch the other day when I noticed I’ve got three rolls on my belly. That didn’t happen with the first two pregnancies!” Yes, that.
I know that it takes a good year for the body to get back to some semblance of its former self – I know from experience and I’ve shared this knowledge with hundreds of my yoga students. But when I’m in the midst of that first year with baby, when the newborn metabolism has slowed and my clothes don’t fit, well, it can be a little disheartening.
And while I know in my heart that my body is wonderful for growing, birthing and feeding my babies, I don’t think there’s any harm in admitting that I struggle with the postpartum body and that I long to feel like “me” again.
Generally the weight doesn’t start shifting until the 8-month mark and for many women, the body holds onto weight until baby is weaned. In this stage with three children I have very little time to dwell on it but I am aware of looking after my body; increasing my fitness (I have puffed up many hills of late) and becoming more aware of my core strength and posture. For me that means a little less cake (but breastfeeding does require some cake), more water, gentle yoga (even if I do collapse on the mat) and long walks (good for my head, too). I’m not aiming for amazing tone and significant weight loss…I’d just like to fit into a few of my favourite skirts come summer.
I’m a little tired of the media’s banter regarding real bodies. But since you have a body and you may have had a baby, I’d love to hear about your experience postpartum. Is it anything like mine?
A similar experience – my second baby is just under 4 months, and my squishy belly is starting to get me down, even though I know 'better'. Both births were emergency c-sections so my core strength is completely shot and I hate not feeling strong, something I used to pride myself on. I'm really not a gym person so it's pounding the pavement and digging over the garden for me.
In my sleep deprived state I have to remember that getting outside is good for me and good for the kids. I've got a countdown calendar going on the fridge as we hang out for the end of Winter !!
I should add that having an appalling sleeper does nothing for my self esteem – most days brushing my hair is as good as it gets.
Yes i am with you in the struggle. Baby three is almost 12 weeks and while I am so happy with my core strength this time around (thank you pregnancy pilates!) I long to fit back into all my clothes. I know it's early days and I should know better but can still feel myself wanting to give my body a hard time about it. Xx
I do write a fair amount about my body on my blog, in part because for me the gain and loss with pregnancy is SO extreme. With both babies I gained a little over 80 pounds which felt as though I had become an entirely different person. But 5 months in with number 2 I feel a little more confident (though it is taking a little longer) that I will return to normal – something that surprises me almost more than the weight gain itself. Bodies are truly incredible.
p.s. you look so so beautiful!!
With my first, I gained 25kg, my second, 20kg (she ended up being a 5kg baby!) and my third, about 13kg. I was much more mindful of what I ate with my third and I also walked 5km a day (school run) up until the day before I gave birth. All 3 were c-births but I was more active sooner each time. After my third I was doing the 5km again less than a week after birth. It definitely helped, but my body has changed so much each time. I actually have a bit on a waist now (never have before, even pre children) and this time I've actually lost breast size! I have lost a lot more weight, a lot faster this time too. In saying that though I am struggling with my weight a lot more this time. My stretch marks don't bother me, my soft wrinkly belly doesn't bother me, I actually love the three scars across my belly, but the numbers on those scales get me every time!
I gained 26kg with Amelie and I didn't bother doing the maths the second time around (What's the point) but it was probably about the same. It took over a year after Amelie was born to lose most of the weight and I don't think I ever returned to my pre pregnancy weight. With Theo it was more like two years before I looked like myself again and I found that weaning him had a MASSIVE impact on dropping the weight. For what it's worth, I think you are looking more beautiful than ever.
I think it's harder to bounce back quickly with each subsequent pregnancy. I didn't gain a lot of weight with each, but I gained a more than significant amount of girth, and after the third one, all the extra skin was evident. After number four, I gained what I now affectionately call my "empty baby house"! I am also 40 this year, with a slowing metabolism. I wasn't especially slim to begin with, and I have learned to love my empty baby house and my deflated post-weaning breasts, but I do think that these are the types of things that go unnoticed and unrecognized. I too feel a certain weariness of the media emphasis on "real bodies", but this body IS real, and it's the one I live in.
I love this post, after Bella and Gabi I lost all my weight fast but this time around its still holding on strong almost 9 months later a little bit annoying as the clothes I want to wear does not fit but I am embracing the fact that I carried 3 babies.
I gained 20 kgs with each of my two as well 🙂 As i am 5" I looked as wide as i am tall! I never lost all the baby weight after the first child, I still had an extra 5kg when I got pregnant with #2. My second is now 8 months old and weirdly I am as lightest as I have ever been as an adult! I think it might be because my little one had taken her sweet time getting used to solid food so has been breastfeeding heaps and burning those calories away! No idea though really… although I weigh just less now than i did before having kids my body certainly doesn't look like it did, things are much looser and hang a lot lower!
I have to say, having clothes that you love but can't wear is definitely the hardest part about changing bodies, also feeling like I need to hold onto clothes that don't fit anymore incase of future pregnancies etc… I ran out of storage space along time ago!
I found it took a bit longer this time, baby number 4, plus I was 40! The difference for me is that after the first month postpartum I am trimmer than ever, I'm sure its the constant breast feeding, all my babies were well under two hourly feeds. Its once I stop feeding that I struggle, and right now I feel like my body is storing every once of what I eat and bulking me up in places I've never had bulk. You're very right. Our bodies are capable of amazing things, to grow and feed babies is so incredible and it has worked hard! But it is depressing when things don't fit the way you'd like. I'm trying to be positive and I'm hoping that as the weather warms and I get back on the bike with Olive, that hopefully I can feel good again.
Its funny how we view ourselves so differently than others do. I look adore the look of that postpartum body, all soft and motherly. You look wonderful x
I lost weight during both pregnancies but gained massively while breastfeeding. That is hard weight to shift! Esp since I am so much more focused on kids/hubby/work/life than I am on myself. It's not a terrible shift, by any means – but it has been a big readjustment and it means that I am no longer too fussed that my body is squishier and larger. I feel, it will shift with the season, and given that my baby starts Kindy in 2016, I feel this season is fast ending! All in good time, I guess.
I have one daughter who is two and a half and while pregnant with her I gained around 16kg. The weight gain during pregnancy was not the problem for me, my problem was that I put on another 10kgs in the six months after having her and then found that after a baby I had to work three times as hard to lose weight. My body held onto weight while I was breastfeeding and my stomach was stretched out for at least a year postpartum. I really noticed a change in my stomach after two years – it seemed to tighten up again, but it’s still squishy and soft.
I have never returned to my pre-baby weight, but moreover I have never returned to my pre-baby shape. I now carry weight in different areas and am probably 5-10kgs heavier than what I was before I had her. I gave up on weighing myself at home because getting on the scales and seeing I was heavier than before would shatter my confidence. I found the whole experience a real struggle and it has taken me two and a half years to accept that there is probably no going back to my pre-baby tall and skinny self. I had an amazing holiday in Spain just last week and saw so many ladies of all ages on the beach who were in bikinis and embracing stretch marks, saggy tummies and cellulite. When I got back I took 5 bags of my pre-pregnancy clothes to the charity shop as I am finally accepting that this is the new version of me, and it’s okay to be normal.
Oh how i hear you there! I got pregnant again 3 months after my first baby was born, he is 9 months old now and i'm 6 months pregnant, i'm feeling (and am!) so heavy, and missing my own body, feeling i have been pregnant for ages!
This piece comes on the same day I remarked to my partner that my hair has started falling out. And my nails are splitting something shocking.
I'm one of those people who loses weight easily just by breastfeeding. I struggled to maintain a constant weight for years before my first pregnancy and assumed I'd struggle to lose the baby weight. However much to my surprise I'd shrunk a size smaller pre pregnancy only a couple of months after his birth. This time, the weight fell off me again but at a much slower rate. I have to keep reminding myself he's only four months old and not to be too hard on myself (and also, though I dislike using the word, I've been 'lucky' the baby weight moves easily for me. Many friends have found it hard).
With my first (I had her at 24) by her first birthday, I was so skinny and underweight. But I was struggling with motherhood, and being single. My ex left when I was pregnant, saying he no longer wanted to be a father. We had to sell our house and end a decade long relationship. So my body was of no thought to me. It is only now looking back on images, I am scared at how horrible I look.
Second baby (I was 43), I full expected to never get my body back. Now with a three and half year old. I can say I have been lucky enough to have lost all of the weight without any effort on my behalf.
But as with the first, it is not the weight, it is the subtle changes that motherhood brings to the body. A thickening of the waist, no matter how much weight I lost. Lose of skin elasticity. Breasts that no longer sit where they use to.
I would not care, what shape or weight my body was, I would never ever trade the gift of children.
I am something of an oddity I feel. I'm naturally skinny (generally petite), put on very little weight during pregnancy and promptly lost it shortly after giving birth, and perhaps a little more. It's hard to tell as I had lost a bit of weight before I fell pregnant. However, it's really only now, two years after my daughter was born that my body feels like mine. And yet, it is certainly not my pre-pregnancy body. I mean, how could it possibly be? While a few changes are for the better (strong arms and legs, and dare I say it, even some abdominal muscles) the others feel less so… my boobs are still a little smaller, a little less perky, my belly button will never be the same, the skin around my tummy isn't as firm, and my face… well, sometimes I feel so haggard I want to cry. I need to take a little (o.k, a lot) more care of myself, but this is the new me. It's taken some adjusting…
Right there with you! My issue is too much weight loss after each baby – when friends you don't see often wonder if you are ill it tends to become a pain. The fatigue-induced bags under my eyes are oh-so-appealing.
Gosh aren't we all different.
I didn't have any difficulty with weight gain during or after my only pregnancy. In fact after birth l think l weighed less than before l got pregnant. My metabolism went through the roof and the three weeks of breast feeding l was able to do stripped anything that was left. Now before you hate me, l need to let you know that l had a traumatic labour, emergency c-section and post natal depression. I think on some level it usually evens out.
Nobody hates you! Well, I don't because I was similar! 🙂
I thought twice about using that word, but l say it in jest. 🙂
Just wanted to convey that l think we all have 'stuff' to deal with around pregnancy, labour and nursing. I never stop marvelling how we're all so different!
Jodi, first, I would just like to say you are gorgeous… I know many have told you, just wanted to jump on the band wagon.
I had my children late in life (Little miss at almost 36 and Little man at almost 39) so I knew going in that I would snap right back. I've also never been an "exercise" kind of person. I love to hike, take long walks, swim, but never in any organized kind of way. So I went in ready for a change. What I wasn't ready for was a nightmare delivery ending in an emergency C-sect after 32 hours of labor due to cardiac distress. I was on bed rest after that for a long time and I never really got to enjoy those hormone months and although I was breast feeding full time and did see a lot of the weight just melt off, there was a shift that never was to be put back in place. So that extra 5-10 pounds became my new "target" weight. I sat at 140 lbs (I'm 5'6") when I got pregnant with my 2nd and funny enough, it was easier to bounce back. I was even able to get back down to 135 lbs (where I stand today) but I still have "the roll"… Oh the roll. How is it that my pre-pregnancy jeans are falling off of me but I'm still able to grab a grapefruit size bulge on my tummy when I sit? I think I need to take your lead and start working my core and posture. 🙂
Hang in there!
My first three pregnancies I felt pretty good as I entered the end of the first year. Breastfeeding did manage to help, I ate lots of cake (and other less healthy things) in my ravenous hunger, but felt like I 'returned' without too much concern. I was also younger then…I think the last two pregnancies have been much harder because I am older. I didn't gain more while pregnant, but in the 6 years between my last two pregnancies, I couldn't lose the last bits of weight. For me it wasn't easier after weaning…:(
You are stunning!
I know that my saying that doesn't make the clothes you long to wear fit any better, but it is the truth. Sometimes we judge ourselves too harshly. I have definitely been struggling in this department. Thankfully (and not so thankfully!), it is summer here and I was pregnant this time last year, so I have a few very stretchy dresses of which to chose from. Otherwise, I am in gym clothes and more often than not, I do not make it to the gym. This last month though, (my son is just a week over 7 months) I have kicked myself back into gear and boy, it feels good!! I cannot do half of the exercises I used to and I try not to get down on myself for it but it is hard. I weighed 155 lbs at the time of getting pregnant and tipped the scale at a massive 227 lbs (I remember thinking, my god I weigh as much as a full grown man, my father, etc and that was tough to swallow.) When you no longer have a jaw line and you have back rolls that only get worse with an ill fitting bra, it is impossible not to get emotional. My tummy has never been so soft and going from 50 pull-ups to 0.5 pull-ups is enough to make one want to donate every bit of denim and sit on the couch with a milkshake and potato chips. Catching reflections of myself in the mirror is sometimes horrifying, but while my body is soft and not as I remember, my mind and heart have strengthened beyond what I ever thought was possible. I am certain my body will catch up with time.
Oh, and don’t let me get started on the whole hair falling out situ! So much has fallen out that I now sport somewhat of a fringe across my forehead from new hair growth that cannot be tamed no matter what I do.
I haven't posted a comment in a long, long while, but your post struck such a sensitive cord that I wanted to chime in. My experience with the postpartum body goes something like this: becoming the size of a small house. Oddly, my pregnant body stays pretty slim, albeit with a growing bump out front, and three times I've marveled at how quickly my middle bounces back and I'm wearing prepregnancy clothes, ahem, for three days. But then nursing really gets underway and from about two weeks postpartum on, I spend two years outgrowing most sizes in a standard clothing rack. It is the darnedest thing. And frustrating. Oh my, is it ever frustrating. Particularly when gaggles of women report losing so much weight just from nursing alone! Well not me, not this body, and it doesn't seem to much matter if I'm eating well or not (although I do feel better doing the former), or if I'm exercising or not (but it does my sanity good), it seems this is just how I'm programmed. The happy news is once baby is weaned the weight does start to drop and I work like hell that third year to get back to myself, although with plenty of loose skin and stretch marks and burned out breasts- Wonderful souvenirs that they are! In any case, that's where I am now with baby's third birthday around the corner… and I'm just sitting here wondering if I'm willing to do it again.
Jodie! I want to share with you a website that went live a few weeks ago, full of parenting ressources. It's a local mama from my community (here in Hawaii) who started self-publishing a little newspaper for parenting tips a few years ago and just turned it into a really nice website. There are great birthing stories, postpartum stories, food tips, baby fat struggles…. anything you can think of really. I've got the feeling you will enjoy reading through it and maybe find some comforting words.
http://mauimamazine.com
http://mauimamazine.com/losing-the-baby-fat/
ps: you do look stunning!!!!
Benedicte
http://www.happy-bandits.com
Baby is 2 months old yesterday and I fit neither pregnancy or usual clothes. Down to one pair of (disliked) jeans and a skirt that fit. I've accepted and remembered I don't lose weight beastfeeding and am off this morning to buy a few more clothes so I don't spend the next 10 months hating all my clothes and therefore body shape more…..price you pay for a beautiful baby
wise words I must say! actually I had to write about my experience in my blog… it is close to you I mean my experience … and I feel extremely tired of that picture in the media… I have 5 children, I look like a women who has 5 children. that means I do look like a women and I am proud of it!
bless you Jodi for this post!
Oh yes, my dear, I know all too well. My fourth was born when I was 37 and things definitely did not pop back right away. And, now, at 16 months, my baby has weaned and, alas, MORE hair falling out. Previously I nursed through each pregnancy so never had that weaning hair loss experience! My tummy is much squishier than I'd like, and I'm about 4 pounds from my usual pre-preg weight and lets be honest, about 10 from my ideal weight for me, but alas, it is what it is. You look lovely, but I definitely understand feeling a bit out of my own skin with all the changes babies bring. 🙂
I just saw this post today and I'm pretty sure it's just what I needed today. Baby number 2 is 7 months old and I am having the hardest time getting back to prebaby weight and feeling like myself again. I feel like all I hear about are moms who shrink back down after 2 months. I have felt so discourages lately so this was actually very encouraging to me. Thanks. 🙂
http://www.sweetlytattered.com
You look great! I was not too worried about my body until my baby was about 6 months old and then I started working hard to loose weight. My stomach does look like saggy elephant skin so don't think I will be wearing a bikini again!
Yes! My postpartum experience feels very much like yours. Baby #2 is 7 months old and my body holds on to the weight whilst breastfeeding. Longing to feel more like me and fit back into clothes that actually make me feel good. My body feels very different after #2, more sags and bulges that I didn't have after #1 and it's taking some mental and emotional adjustment to get used too, almost a grieving process in many ways.
I'm another one in a similar boat – I not exactly bounced baby after Baby 1, but was back and in better shape than pre pregnancy by 9 months ish, but with Baby 2 the weight just stuck despite exercising and eating well and then I added Baby 3 to the mix and now, well I think I'm roughly the size I was after Baby 2 but I could still easily pass as several months pregnant after a big lunch. I have a big squishy tummy and even when the weight is gone I can see that the skin is not going back. But I have three amazing children, two of whom are still nursing and while I do want to be fitter and healthier in due course, I'm trying to just let it go and know that in time I will actually be able to leave the house for exercising – just not now!
my first baby I gained 30 kilos (I seriously enjoyed all the "wrong" foods!), I lost all the weight in a year and a half and felt everything come back to normal in my body pretty well and I felt lucky considering the fun I had eating while pregnant… Then I had baby number two and I gained twenty kilograms which was far better than first time around. But I found my body did not come back to my idea of normal like first time around and I felt so uncomfortable in my skin. Baby number two is now four years old and I am only now addressing these feelings and beginning to slowly heal my thoughts on my dear body. We go through so much as mothers and then their is the media cramming celebrities down our necks who loose all their baby weight and are back in skinny jeans in under two months. It breaks my heart that this is thrown at us all the time in the media. We carry so much guilt and anxiety as mothers as it is and the last thing we need is picture perfect celebs saying you can look like me if only you tried! I wish we lived in a society where we celebrate each other as we are and recognise that every woman is unique and beautiful as they are and realise it is not a race to loose the weight or a competition. Every woman is beautiful exactly as they are.
I've found the biggest difference was the shape of my body has changed since having baby no 3. So although I am at pre pregnancy weight my clothes it differently. I've found age is also a factor, I was 24 when I had my first child and my youngest has just turned 1 and I'll be 40 next year.
Oh that feeling after you have given birth. Joy, elation, freedom, strength, power and liberation. You really don't have a care in the world for how your body looks because you're so in awe of what it has just achieved and the adrenaline powers you on for weeks. Months even.
The biggest difference for me 2nd time round is the noticeable effect of sustaining a diastasis recti while (unknowingly) carrying a 10lb 2oz. My tummy tone has gone and my
core strength is shot and I feel weaker. The hair loss started earlier and is as arduous as it was before. If I didn't know what it was I would be very worried by the rate at which is falls from my head. Dry knees (why does post party's give me dry knees?), but strong nails.
Still, I go easy on myself. My body has worked (and is still working) really hard to get here. I can forgive it if it's a little sluggish at getting back to the status quo.
I have a feeling I'll think wistfully of my prepregancy body after birth. I imagine the adjustment will be difficult for me, but I trust not more sad (for lack of a better word) than the thought of what my life might be like without a child. I completely understand your finding the media's "real body" mantra tiring, by the way. I cringe a wee bit especially when I hear the phrase "real women." As if somewhere there are women who are not real. We are all real women, and all have real bodies, and both our similarities and our differences should be respected and celebrated.