on turning 30
I turn 30 in early-April and it’s affecting me more than I expected. I distinctly remember watching Daniel at this stage five years ago; all of a sudden he wanted to change careers, support his family by doing something that he loved, build a nest egg. I didn’t get it at the time – his rush to make immediate change seemed a little intense. But now? I wholeheartedly understand his mindset. It does feel like time is racing and I need to get things sorted, completed, accomplished – dramatic yes, but the sense of urgency is very real.
It’s been interesting to observe this sudden change in my priorities and intentions. My career has never been as important to me as it is now and yet I’m often thinking about a third baby. Since Poet was born I’ve always said: “I’ll be pregnant again before my 30th birthday” – now I’m quite grateful that it didn’t work out that way; three months of solo parenting whilst pregnant would have been completely overwhelming. Regardless of when it happens, I know that another baby will put a lot of career opportunities on hold (particularly for that first year) and I’m not sure if I’m ready to let that happen just yet. Career or motherhood or the inevitable juggle of both – the universal dilemma for women. For me, it’s the first time I’ve felt the pull from both sides.
Regardless of the pressure I’ve seemingly attached to 3-0, I had to laugh when I saw the most recent issue of Kinfolk. You see, it’s “the ageing issue” and within its pages is a photo of me (taken by Luisa). Â If thirty means sitting at a cafe in solitude I suppose it won’t be that bad (wink, wink).
Did you have this same experience as thirty approached? Do you feel the tug between motherhood and career?
Photo: Luisa Brimble
Thirty is chasing at my heels and will knock at the door next week. I'm quite delighted about it…I think. I'm not sure what I expected to feel when this time approached, but I do know that I am grateful to be who and where I am at (almost) thirty. My soul finally feels settled enough to let my little bird out of the nest a bit so that I may pursue all things my heart has been desiring: more self-care and love, time to explore new artistic adventures, and finally working towards my birth and postpartum doula certifications. It's happening! I do believe I'm welcoming thirty with open arms.
I hope that you do as well when your special day comes around. x
I definitely feel that I'm on my way to welcoming it…although Daniel won't be here which is quite disappointing. I might postpone celebrations till he returns x
I saw that image and did wonder if it was you Jodi…
Are they your stunningly beautiful hands at the bottom of the image?
For me the mother/creative life balance is a constant struggle…(I have 4 children…14.12.8.4)…however, following your simple life inspires…Xx Amy
Well, in early-April I will turn on my last thirty-something before going into a new dozen. I have my third baby and just now perhaps I can think of changing things in my career? Well, who knows? With the years I could say I am more patient with those changes.
I remember on my 30 as I was skiing in the wild mountains and feeling so free. But I was also obsessed with having other babies AND changing job… If I look back I would say I prefer the motherhood after 30, because I felt more peaceful both for me and my kids!
Thanks for this beautiful post, it's always such a pleasure to read you from the other side of the planet.
I'm turning 30 at the end of March ( you spring chicken! ). And I've definitely found it has been affecting me much more than I care to admit. I thought I'd be fine, just another number, but there is something about the big 3-0 that is getting me a bit anxious. Not so much with my career ( which in non-existent anyway ), more so the downhill slide toward death. hahah, that'll cheer you up.
let's take that dry humor and turn it into a contribution for this!
http://www.your-fonder-heart.blogspot.com/p/30.html
Interestingly, I can always remember a conversation I had with my mother when I was 20ish as I was rattling on about being 'old'.
She told me, 'You don't even know yourself until you're thirty. You will have developed patience and will learn to love yourself, but not at 20'.
So I've always looked forward with such excited enthusiasm to my 30th birthday, which is next year.
Thirty seems like such a magical age to me… Perhaps I'm having the opposite to your thoughts – attaching too much positivity to the age 🙂
I remember the same with me and my man. I didn't get it, until I was almost 30, then I became really anxious about my life choices and making right any wrong turns I'd taken career-wise. I'm 36 next month (our daughter is one, so that's different to your situation) but I'd say I still don't know what I want, but I feel less concerned and more confident in my ability to deal with whatever life brings. I guess my thirties has made me feel more capable and I wouldn't swap this for being in my twenties! You'll breeze it! 😉
For me, my 30's have been my best years so far. I've learned the art of letting go, my patience has increased and I've realised a chasing a career is not something I actually want – and (best of all) it's ok to feel that way. The speed and excitement of the way I lived my 20's is a happy memory and I would't change a second of it, but you couldn't pay me to do it again.
Your 30's will being you a freedom in yourself you never thought could exist.
May your journey into this season of your life be smooth and peaceful. Luna. x
P.S. Sorry about the typos! I'm breastfeeding a babe and it's always a difficult to type with her laying across me. x
this is me exactly 🙂
I concur, being 30 has taught me the art of settling in to who I am while leaving all the things behind that no longer have importance to me. The pressure and stress of creating the life that I thought I wanted in my 20's doesn't even resemble the beautiful and peaceful life I have now. I have forever looked forward to turning 40 (I still have 3yrs to go) and the ease and comfort that comes with age, along with the stunning streaks of silver hair.
Welome to the 30's club, may fill your life be filled with so much love and contentedness that your heart will overflow.
I worry about my careers all the time, even though I'm very much in the early days of parenting. The truth is that I'm more than happy being "just" a mum for now but society doesn't really look kindly upon that as a career. p.s. you should come to sydney for a girls' day before your birthday! x
You're a darling pup and one thing I've noticed is that those of us who had our babies earlier (yourself) seem to ironically keep their work ambition beyond babies more than those of us (myself) who had babies later. Interesting, no? It all works out in the end, regardless, and age is just a made-up number anyway. x
I can't recall any anxiety attached to turning 30.. but then my memory is very poor! I was pregnant with Eliot and my only focus on anything at all, was getting through the day without throwing up. We celebrated at a local cafe for lunch with three other family members because that was all I could manage.. at that stage my career was Mother – and happily so – so the balance thing wasn't a factor back then. Sometimes I think I missed so much, not finding photography sooner, but more often than not now I feel perhaps it was a blessing that I figured out what I really wanted to do once all the kids were here. I am not sure I would have been any good at all at juggling both. I do love your outlook Jodi, knowing that your next baby will arrive when they are meant to – I too, cannot imagine being pregnant will hubby would be away for three months! xx
Jodi, Im with you there! April the 1st…turning 30. Pregnant with the third and due late March/early April…but yes, Ive felt like getting back into the business of exploring my passions again ( i don't have a career as such, Im an ex art-teacher and painter) I feel what your saying, except Im quite happy to not celebrate the turning of 30 – and rather glad I have a good excuse not to 😉 I always thought I'd have all my kids done and dusted by the age of 30, and I may have, or may not have…I don't know that just yet. But turning 30 doesn't seem to bad really does it?, apart from slightly less tight skin, I feel just the same! xo
Firstly, I can't believe you're only 30!! Of course, I only know you through your blog, but from what I can see, your family, your career, you're amazing at them both! I think you are way more mature than I was in my 20's, I didn't have my first baby until I was almost 30. I'm pretty sure I felt that same urgency and need for change but at the same time contentment. When I approached 40, I felt everything was just as it should be..x
Sorry my comment went haywire, let me try again!
For me, thirty was an exciting time, I was marrying the love of my life and finally felt comfortable in my own skin. For me the age I am now, 36 turning 37 is more limiting as we debate a third child and would love the luxury of leaving it a year or two more but the age and timing is against us : ( I think age differs for all of us depending on the stages and emotions we're experiencing at the time x}
Jodi, you are absolutely wise beyond your years. That is meant wholeheartedly as a compliment.
My 30th birthday is this March, and although, one one hand, it is just another year, on the other; it is a milestone. A time to reassess and plan.
I have been thinking about changes I would like to make. I had thought I would have a second baby before my 30th birthday (my first is 4 1/2) and that has not happened for various reasons.
While there is no particular rush for anything, I do wonder whether I am a bit lacking in achievement.
Solo parenting is hard; but I am certain you are getting it done beautifully.
Life gets even better after 30! Embrace it and whatever it brings!!!
Hi Jodi, I'm turning 30 in November and have a lot of conflicting emotions about it. Part of me has accepted it, which I think is due a lot to my becoming a Mum to my baby girl last year. Having her has been so life changing and I feel very fulfilled because of her. But then on the other hand I get very worried that I'm not where I wanted to be career-wise at this age and can't help comparing myself to other successful people. I also still think of myself as being in my early twenties still! I hope you have a wonderful celebration when the time comes.
I remember feeling just the same when I was turning 30, Jodi. It felt like time was getting away from me and I needed to work out what I should do with my life. I had two beautiful little girls, a husband and a home with a veggie garden and chickens out the back and a part time job that brought me a little bit of income. When I look back, these were the things that made me happy but I cared a lot about what other people thought of me and because I didn't have an impressive career, I spent a lot of time comparing myself to other people and feeling not good enough.
I turn 50 in a few months and these days, I worry so much less about what other people think. It's the greatest blessing in growing older.
I wish I could go back and say to my 30 year old self, 'Savour every day with those gorgeous little girls. Enjoy the fact that you have time to bake your own bread and plant herbs. Stop worrying about what other people think and don't stress about finding the right job right now. You're doing the things that really matter. Live in the moment more and make the most of every day with your little ones because the time goes by so quickly.'
I spent most of my 20's dreading turning 30 & then 1 month before I turned 30 my 27 year old sister had a massive heart attack & died. It changed my whole view of aging. I always had all these ideas about how my life would be once I turned 30. All those ideas were thrown out the window & I'm living a life I never thought I would & I couldn't be happier.
Each year I embrace becoming older because I know now it's a gift. A new year isn't a given….
What a beautiful attitude to have, I am just so sorry that you had such a loss.
A few days before I turned thirty a bus hit me while I rode to work – I broke my spine in four places and my sacrum. I can't promise you turning 30 will turn out ok… but guess what? You have a beautiful family to hold your hand. No matter what happens you will continue to be loved, and you will have a great time. Most older women say 30 was their best decade ever. I did not have a family of my own until I was 38, and continuing on my birthday bad luck, when I turned 40 I was very very sick for more than a year (it is an ongoing disease) – and so I understand the feelings of watching your career hover, your children calling you… but all I can see is that if you take the time you will know what is the right thing to do and when. This is our life – isn't is silly to see the parts of it as all a struggle – though I know it is, there is something that tells me that I am complicating it all by using those words – complicating it more than it has to be complicated.
I think that as parents we have to talk honestly to our partners about the things we all want and need and to weigh the balance that makes the most important things possible. I do not really believe it is possible to be a loving attached parent and work a 45 hour week – something has to give – which is the most important is the one you focus on, but it is possible to work hard while you are at work and dedicate your off work hours to your family. I believe that it gets tricky when you want it all right now – there isn't time. But I also believe that there are cycles – times when you work,years you dedicate to parenting, and times when you develop those beautiful friendships (that I don't have time to cherish my friendships I find hard). Remember we will be working well into our seventies, maybe longer, we have many chances to get ahead, try new things.
I work with a woman who did not start her BA until she was 39, did a phd & she is now a lecturer, happy as ever after retiring from a career as a dancer.
I don't know what I am trying to say – oh I do, you have all the time in the world. I think you have already achieved so much, and I think when you look in the mirror you probably really like the person who stares back at you. You write lovely words, take fabulous photos, contribute to what looks like a pretty fabulous family, and have a loving relationship – goodness me! You are a success, don;t let sneaky things like age, doubt, decisions blur your feelings.
I love my 30's Jodi. My twenties were intense, trying to fit as much as possible into life, lots of travel, university, marriage, I launched into my career as a lawyer and was totally driven to work hard to become a Partner but then I had my first baby and suddenly I didn't want to back to work and not be with my children. If someone told me in my 20's that I would take 10 years off to raise children I probably wouldn't have believed them. The dilemma between staying at home and going back to work was only because I felt society was telling me I SHOULD be going back to work (you know, after that standard 12 month maternity leave is up) and that it was somehow a 'waste' to not go back to work. I felt the tug of motherhood and career for about a day and then did what I felt was right for me. I've never been a good juggler and prefer to focus on one thing at a time. I've been at home 9 years now and have no regrets. Everyone is different and some of my dearest friends are fabulous jugglers but since I'm not, I would rather have the regret of missing out on career advancement than the regret of missing out on the children. I always believed there would be time for everything but just not all at once! Funnily enough, at 36 and with 5 children I now feel like i am more inspired and motivated than ever to launch into some work, albeit a different path to the one I had mapped in my 20's and I'm OK with that. Good luck with your decision making! Mel xxx
Thankyou for putting Into words what I have never been able to articulate very well….."I would rather have the regret of missing out on career advancement than the regret of missing out on the children" im almost eight years a mother, full time at home, I get questioned all the time about when im heading back to paid employment, all I ever say is soon, not yet, not until all my kids are in school. But this is more what I really mean to say, thanks! 🙂 I also am set to launch into a different path, my desire for the almighty dollar has gone and my desire for helping others is all consuming now….xx
"I've never been a good juggler and prefer to focus on one thing at a time" – great insight Mel; I think that might resonate with more than just a few people. Especially me. xx
Mel describes my thoughts too. At the moment, I'm knee deep in motherhood…a choice that I'm fortunate enough to make…There will be a time for a career later. As a dear friend put it to me today…there is a season for everything. We can have most things we put our mind to…but usually not sucessfully all at once… i'm turning 37 this year and I've LOVED my 30s 😀
I'm in the same boat as these girls… I've loved being in my 30's… I actually felt really ready to 'turn 30'. So much happened in my 20's, so many tough times and adversities that made me wiser and in a way forced me to 'grow up' so that when I turned 30, I felt as though I'd been there for years 🙂 I'm currently a full time Mum and at this point in my life, I feel it's where I'm meant to be. In my 30's, I feel I know myself better than ever and have much stronger ideals, values and beliefs and more of a confidence and certainty in terms of what I want out of life…
When I turned thirty, I was bothered that I could no longer claim to be twenty-something years old. I think that was about the extent of my thinking about it. I had a non-sleeping fussy 18month old, was seriously depressed and didn't even realise it.
I know though, that tug and pull. I hope you find some even ground to tred.
Jodi… I remember that sense of urgency, then had my second child when I was 30, started my photography business, then renewed my therapy license, wanted to do it all… and now that I'll be 40 in september, I'm trying like heck to slow down and do the opposite. It's quite comical but think back on it all now…but it's what makes our 30's such an important time in our lives…. huge learning to be had. I'm excited for you 😉 and…what a lovely photo of you in Kinfolk. I was just reading that issue and loving how they depicted aging so beautifully… now I'll have to go back realizing you're in there. All the best
I think you are blessed with a career that allows you to give as much of yourself, or as little as yourself, as you choose, throughout different stages of your life. Being freelance (I imagine) has that benefit of coming and going, peaks and troughs. I turn 30 in two weeks time and I have been feeling quite nervous about it! I still feel as though I am somewhere around 24, which I know is good, but really, we are just getting old and time won't wait for us!! Lol. I guess we planned to have three children by around this age, so that later on, when our kids are all in school, I will be able to concentrate on my career then, later on, instead of spreading it out (so to speak). My career (although I'm not convinced I love it!) does have many benefits of having a family and teaching will allow me to drop my children off and pick them up from school and have weekends with them and school holidays etc. It is this stage of life that I am actually most looking forward to. Our baby number three is due this Spring and so I guess thirty is going to be a wonderful age for me!!! xx
I didn't have a kid yet when I turned 30, and I must say it was the best birthday and year up until then. Now I'm about to turn 34 and though I feel as if I need to get cracking on building my career, I'm also quite content where I am as a mum, trying to finish up my post grad and trying to have another baby. Life after 30 has been fantastic. I may have had to put my Phd dreams on hold, I may have taken twice as long to finish my MA because I had a son in the midst of it, but really, it's all been wonderful. I feel like I really own my life now, it is mine to do with as I wish. I used to be too nervous and over think everything. Getting older just gives me more confidence. You'll do well, in fact you'll do better than well! xx
Yes absolutely! My husband and I both turned 30 within the last year and a halfish and all of a sudden things are really really real. Where are we headed? How are we going to get there? What do we really want? Also, I think maybe part of it is being out of the baby stage – although we'll hopefully be back to that again soon – right now our youngest is almost two, and it think not having a little person permanently attached to you, depending on you for every single need means that you can look around a bit. You find yourself wondering 'what next?' and so on.
I worried about turning 30 at lunch one day next to my two 60+ coworkers and one said! I can't even remember turning 30. The other said, I can't remember turning 60. That put everything into perspective for me. And guess what my 30s have been the best years of my life. It's so true that you get comfortable in your own skin in your 30s. I wouldn't trade it for my 20s for anything.
Breathe. Surrender. Let go. Trust. Breathe some more. These are the words that came to me as I read your post Jodi. I turn 40 this year and when I think back to me at 30 all I can say is, from what I know of you through your blog you are doing an amazing job at both career and motherhood. Be proud of yourself now, know that you are enough now. I have vivid memory of being 31 and having my first baby in my arms just a few weeks new, and on the wednesday I declined attending The Age Good Food Guide awards for an edition I had worked and on the thursday I was in a queue at Centrelink signing up for the baby bonus. Was this my new reality?! I was overwhelmed with love for my baby and at the same time overwhelmed at the thought of my career slipping away. I shared these fears with a wise older friend whose children had grown, she said to me, "Don't be in a hurry, savour this time, it is enriching you in ways you can't know yet" and with those words I breathed more deeply and trusted she was right. And she was. And for the record that friend has raised three amazing human beings now all in their late twenties and she is CEO of a social justice agency making an incredible impact on communities around Australia. We mamas are amazing! So much more I could say. Breathe my friend, trust and surrender you are doing and being more than enough. xx
What beautiful words you've shared Nikki. I needed to hear that too. xx
words to hold close and repeat often. Thank you, Nikki x
Hugs to both of you xx
I've always (well, always since turning 30), said that the 20's are aspirational, for big dreams, and the 30's, sadly, are for cold hard reality. But I agree with Nikki – from the outsiders point of view, you've got it made! Kellie xx
PS I think the 30's for women are the best years yet – you have so much assurance in who you are that wasn't there in your 20's and, rather wonderfully, you've by this stage made these enormous, life-long friendships with other women that are based on mutual values and things outside of just going to school or uni together. I think it's a truly wonderful time to be a woman. Hooray for you turning 30!
I turned thirty last august, and I happily watched it slide on past. I didn't want a party, but opted for a new camera and dinner with my family.
I am stuck currently in a similar position, I need more work, but my boss cant offer me the hours I need, so whether to look for something brand new. Its a bit scary really…
This world. I was just asked this week to talk about what 30 means for me, and while I did (you can read it here: http://bit.ly/1fsQ7mo ), I think I should elaborate more. While I love to celebrate each new age, because it will hold something the others have not, I never had that fear or urgency. But my situation is mainly the reason for that. I'm sure when you turn 30, you will see it is just another day in your total life and welcome the new awesome decade, where we're super grown up without being or feeling old. Things will fall into place one way or another so get ready for amazing!
I loved 30, and after turning 32 just the other day, I am fully enjoying this decade so far.
for me it was turning 40 last year. i think i was paralyzed for most of the year actually. i just turned 41 in december and i can finally say that i am now settling well into my 40's 😉
I didn't have a major problem turning 30 and I was pregnant with my first child when I turned 40 and didn't have a problem with 40 or 41, 42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49 but turning 50 was a whole other thing…. To say the words "not happy Jan" would be an understatement. I realize that the actual turning of 50 is on one day and then that's it you are fifty but I would have much preferred to stay 49 for many years to come. So turning 30 you are still a young mum and there is absolutely time for that 3rd or even 4th baby if you want. I think 20 years ago a career was in an office at work for someone else from 8.30-5.00 pm or longer. Fast forward to 2014 and your career is and/or can be at home while the washing is in the machine or the kids are playing for an hour. I think careers these days are very flexible even while having a family. You'll be fine you are still a spring chicken. Regards Kathy A, Brisbane, Australia
I loved turning 30, it was such a great year! Then again, I didn't have a kid back then. Now, coming to 34 and with a baby, I am feeling the same pull as you. I'm rethinking work, family and home. While everything is wonderful, it's not what my heart wants and I feel that what I need to start listening, my heart.
oh, yes…i turned 30 in september and it was the biggest event in my life! such a milestone. it felt like arriving in a way. it was big and exciting, but also overwhelming and a little sad thinking i was leaving behind my "youth." suddenly things like savings, jobs, life, goals, careers, etc. just became important. the forefront of my daily life. and all of it streamlined. no longer just thoughts, but intentions and actions to make them happy. 30 is great. you will love it. and you will become more the person you already are. happy birthday, friend. enjoy this. xoxo
oh my goodness, when I was 30, I hadn't even met my husband yet! or had any kids!! it'll allllllllll be ok. I have lots of friends who didn't even have baby #1 until age 40. you have so much time to have more kids, you really do! (you know, as far as any of those things can be supposed upon) 🙂
you are about 1000% more together at age 30, than I am in my early 40's. Happy early birthday!
Oh yes, definitely yes on both counts. I'm turning 30 in September this year and feel the same about a lot of things. I want this year to be the year that lots of changes happen. For us both to be happy in our professional lives and for us to buy a home, perhaps do some travelling as a family. I want everything to happen all at once! As far as babies go, I'd love a third but with Edie turning 3 in April and everything getting easier in terms of my work balance I'm not sure whether now is the right time. I've been thinking lots about the very same things but hadn't attributed it at all to my approaching thirtieth. Hmmm.
Turning 30 was a big issue for me, but not because of the number, more for all of the external factors. I had only been living in Australia for seven months, did not know a lot of people and was six months pregnant with our first child (unplanned). It felt almost like changes were forced upon me. But the timing for everything was perfect (although it has taken me some time to realise this), and the timing for everything else following has also been perfect, even though I may have fought it at the time. The thirties have been the most challenging years, but also the most enriching. And as I begin to enter the "late-thirties" I am finally beginning to surrender more to what is. It's a good feeling. xxx
well it was different for me darling as I didnt have kids till 37 and then as I was heading towards 40 tilly was diagnosed with sms and so i was numb for 2 years and didnt feel or care about anything! after surviving that I don't think i really pay much head to age anymore but now my youngest is about to start school this september I do infact feel that pull between motherhood and my art career! I can see 50 looming and panic can creep in that all is too late, so i suppose i may be in a clear enough place for numbers to begin to matter again…..but if i have learnt one thing getting to this place after the shock of tilly's diagnosis is that never say you can't, there is always a way! motherhood comes with a need to balance and i think if you work in the creative world that's the difficulty because talent often needs 'all out no compromise' to get it to shine!
In light of this post, I'd be so honored if you were interested in writing something for this series: http://www.your-fonder-heart.blogspot.com/p/30.html?m=1
I wanted to be 30 three years before I turned the magic 3.0, late 20s were an awkward phase for me.I read lot of magazines and I was out of place whenever I picked a magazine for the single or dating girl in their early twenty and again out of place when I picked a magazine for family and career successful woman in their 30s. I wanted to fit for the first time and I believed 30 was going to help me achieve that. I must say, being in 30s makes me feel good.
My tug is that I am single mum, not looking to change that status but starting to feel that I want another baby! #tricky Maybe it's because the big 30 is approaching, albeit 18months away yet?
I'm sending you strength and patience to ride out these next 9 weeks. We don't have television in our home and I truly think it makes a world of difference. You can do it! I turned 30 in April as well and have two littles myself. I found great comfort in turning 30 as I found the numbers attached to my age finally fit. Here were more of my thoughts at the time: http://blogalacart.com/2013/04/three-oh/ Lots of love to you during this challenging period! xo Ash
what a great miracle that has happen in my life , well to cut the story short ,i saw Priest Onome of priestonomeherbaltemple@outlook.com email address on babycenter.com when a man testify on how priest onome help him to make him pregnant his wife and his wife get pregnant after 5 years of marriage so i decided to contact him because have been having same issues with my husband and his family,they wanted to send me parking until i was convince to contact Priest Onome for help by Mr Adams post which i came across in babycenter.com . now am almost a month pregnant.thanks Mrs Adams and a very big thanks to you priest onome , for help contact him via his email : priestonomeherbaltemple@outlook.com