outside
When I arrived home from the birth centre with Poet, I honestly thought that Che looked gigantic. I questioned whether he had had a growth spurt in the eight or so hours since I was gone. Sure my post-birth high may have affected my perception on that first day, but since then I have had to remind myself that, actually, he’s still quite little. I suppose when I’m comparing him to someone that fits in the crook of my arm, he’s going to look big.
Che is about to turn four. And it seems that in the midst of become a big brother and adjusting to having a little baby around, he’s become rather argumentative. I’ll admit that my patience hasn’t extended very far but I’m a little tired of the word: ‘No!’ Daniel even had this conversation with him yesterday:
“Hey Che…”
“Yeah Dad?”
“Is ‘no’ the only word you can say?”
“Yes…No.”
Hmmm. While Poet and I have been spending a lot of time inside, Daniel has been taking Che outside. Their little adventures have been essential to maintaining a sense of calm within our home. They go swimming, exploring, beach walking and bush adventuring.
Poet and I will join them sometime soon. But this week Che has been sick…a grumpy, mopy little guy who is finding it difficult to understand why he can’t cuddle “the baby.”
This week is all about learning to balance…as a mother of two.
And I have thought, many times in the past few days, how do Mumas of 3, 4, 5 children do it? Please share, I’d love to know.
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For me, it was something I learnt from experience and practise..that and the need to find the right balance to suit each of us. Even now with teens we try to spend quality one on one time with each child, though these days it's getting harder and harder. I did love the days of breastfeeding a bub and reading or chatting to a toddler…before life got all too hectic.
You will eventually strike a balance that is right for your family, don't rush it, it will evolve naturally as you get used to being a mum of two 🙂
x
Your post made me smile :). I have been a mama of 3 for a little over a year now and I still struggle at times to make time (evenly of course, because they know if someone is getting a little extra!) for all of them! Honestly, it is hard when you have a baby, but it will get easier as Poet grows and starts to interact with Che. I made sure I took some time out to read my older ones a story, or gave the baby to hubby so I could do the night time bath and bed ritual. I think a certain amount of Mummy guilt is inevitable as you find what works best xo
Obviously I have no experience with three, four, or even two, so I will read these comments with interest. I just wanted to say how lucky Che is to have such a thoughtful, intelligent Mum. And a Dad who clearly gives him so much time too. Kellie xx PS I so look forward to these posts of yours coming out.
Oh Jodi, it is such a tough juggle when the second bubs comes along. I felt like a complete failure at first, because my gorgeous two and a half year old completely changed his personality on us. He was jealous, cranky, snappy, sometimes downright nasty. Both my hubby and I tried so hard to make the transition smooth for him, but at the end of the day, it's a massive deal to them. A new babe in the house turns their world upside down. In fact I still have to juggle between the boys and my eldest's sensitivity. It does get easier though, definitely. I am told by friends with 3 or 4 children that it's harder to go from 1 to 2 chidren than it is any other jump. Not sure what makes the 1 to 2 child dynamic so tricky, but it's apparently well known. Che is a beautiful boy and he is no doubt lapping up the extra daddy time. You're a fantastic Mama, just take each day as it comes :o) xo
The jump from 1 – 2 was much harder for me than 2 – 3, that probably has a lot to do with the age gaps. It's easier to reason with a 16 and 12 year old and for them to share attention than it was when they were 3 and a half and just born.
Like all developing relationships it just takes time to find the rhythm. I get the feeling from the way you write that it will be fine as you're so down to earth.
Lila
As a mother of four girls in the ages of 9 till 1 I can tell you: the hardest time of my life came with the birth of my second daughter! I had to say "good bye" to my older one as the only child and the only attention and welcome the baby. This made me kind of sick. Because the memory of the first child was still aware and I always thougt: that pure little one (the older daughter) now she has to share me with a baby, no one pays attantion…. But I agree with Tammi: don't rush and try to put all the sorrows away from you. Your daughter is doing fine and so will your son. As long as you treat him like you always did, don't feel sorry for him, his baby sister is the best thing happening to him, he will know this some day 🙂
A friend and mother of four once told me that after two children she gave up keeping everything perfect; the house, etc. Now with the joy of having three of my own I say 'hurrah' to that. Every relatively healthy meal I prepare I give myself a secret pat on the back, for example.
In my family it is all about learning to give and take. I know that sounds obvious but mine are 15, 7 and 19 months old so have very different needs; I imagine that is the case in all families though.
Givbe and take, imperfection and a heck of a lot of love.
I too have to constantly remind myself that my 'big boy' is still so very little (not even two!). It was and still is a huge adjustment. But it has certainly improved over the last ten weeks. I have also been told by friends with 3 or 4 that the jump from 1st to 2nd is the toughest. Xx
I remember this time all too clearly, although Charlie was only 20 months old when Rufus was born. He couldn't really get to grips with the fact that mama had to sit with the baby for alot of the time feeding, he just wanted me to play, roll around on the floor and be 'normal'. My partner like yours took him out on bike rides etc. But I felt I slowly lost him… the division of boy & dad and mum and baby. So on days when we could, we would swap (tiny few hours between feeds) I would have time to explore just with Charlie. And of course at Rufus' nap time, we would have cuddles and reading and playing.
The 'No' phase is presently happening with Rufus.. he is 4 in a months time also. I think Che will be having this NO stage anyway, with a new baby around or not. It's just a way they are asserting their independence and becoming boy not toddler.
It's hard… god it can be really hard…but you are doing the right thing, talking and showing the world is all we can do.
Much love
Lou xxx
Hahahaha, your first sentence- so true! I have a boy, who is 5, and a girl, who is 3… I remember coming home from the hospital, after birth, and looking at him… He looked sooo big!
Greetings from Zagreb, Croatia
hi jodi,
congratulations on your beautiful new girl!
when jonah was born i asked everyone how the heck do you do it? one was so easy… every single mamma i asked said 'i don't know… you just do somehow.'
i guess each of us has to make it up for ourselves. it will come together. gauranteed.
nicole x
I have to agree with the above.
I have 3: ages 7.5, 5 and 2. Going from one to two was WAY harder than two to three. For me the age gap helped, and by the time number three came, number one could help me with number two – getting drinks, snacks and entertaining.
Just take each day at a time. No matter how many kids there is, I think everyone has days when they can't be superwoman. I am sure you are being an awesome mumma even when you aren't feeling on top of it all. Like someone mentioned I think that there is that mental guilt adjustment as well, accepting that you share your focus with another person now too,and not just the first born.
Go easy on yourself Jodi xx
i don't know. heck, i'm a mum of none. i do know that i love the image with the ribbon.
Fabulous photos! Love the swimming pool one. As far as managing 2… my tip would be to be as organised as possible. That way you can focus on the kids when you need to rather than rushing around looking for something or trying to decide what to have for dinner etc etc good luck! x
We have been talking about baby number two recently and I wonder this too, how do mum's find the the right balance? Lots of lovely replies here though 🙂
Rhi x
I think it must be a natural reaction after having a babe that the older one suddenly seems so BIG! It does come as a surprise though.
I must agree that the hardest transition for me was from 1 to 2 children. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it is because by the third the older ones have a sibling to play with while mum is busy with the babe. Perhaps it is also because by the third the mama is a lot more chilled and not worrying about everything being new (new to mothering, new to integrating a sibling). There is also a greater acceptance of not being perfect.
While I had more one-on-one time with the first, looking back I see there were lots of things I needlessly worried about that the 2nd & 3rd (& soon the 4th) didn't have to see.
One tip I will add (although I'm already going on a while here) is to have some fun activities that involve everyone (or at least both children) so that the older one doesn't feel that the only time good stuff happens is when the baby isn't around. Even if it is just going for a walk together. Hope this makes some sense.
As the eldest child of five, I can safely attest to the older siblings helping out A LOT! My sister and I were the full time, always there helpers — we didn't get much of a say in the matter but in the end we're all pretty darn close. I wouldn't trade that for all the free time as a child.
In terms of my parent's parenting style? Laid back, but with boundaries and I'm guessing that was necessary!
Sal x
http://danielandi.blogspot.com/
I only have three – 17, 9 & 7. The 17 year old has always been very good at getting her needs met. The seven year old is also very good at getting his needs met. His catch phrase "I'm the youngest, I have to get my own way".
My quiet middle one sometimes gets lost and I have to remember to take time to be with him. He's not demanding, but he still needs me. My only suggestion is that when things settle down, remember to make time for him 🙂 Spend some one on one time with him – it doesn't have to be often, just special.
l
x
I can't offer amazing words of wisdom as we only have 2 ( age 2 and 5) but getting outside in prams or ride-ons always improves a cranky mood and I did have a friend who swore by a special toy for her little boy that only came out when she was breastfeeding.
I did the same thing, giving my older boy to my husband a lot while I bonded with the new one. It brought the older son much closer to his father and gave the new babe and I the time we needed to get to know one another. They are 14 and 11 now. I still have trouble not making the older one older than his years, as a result of comparing him to his younger brother. They're both beautiful, and so lucky to have you as a mumma.
we're individuals, whoever we're, but we all need to feel safe, needed and loved.I believe that communication (our 2 boys are nearly 6 & 10 now)and hearing their thoughts/feelings are the primal keys to finding balance. I guess to treat 2 or more children equally, is impossible, but fairness is vital (especially as they grow), as is time spent together, but above all – helping them to 'air' their feelings does wonders. New tiny family member, who gets soooo much attention not only from parents, surely can be quite a worrying stage for the first born. Does Che talk how he feels about Poet & being big brother? Reassurance that his feelings are important to you, that he's important, always, will help you all 😉
Apart from learning curves, time brings it's own balance. It's on it's way 😉
Stay positive, think positive, you're doing well and being 4 is gonna be greater then just 3! Enjoy! 😉
i remember that exact thing. thinking wow your so big and you move so quickly. somedays it is like you can totally handle the two of them while other days you feel like oh shit how am i going to do this. as for you question…oh do i wonder.
I am the eldest of 5 children, my sister was born 18 months after me and apparently when I went into hospital to visit Mum for the 1st time I saw the baby and burst into tears! I think I must have gotten used to the idea of sharing my parents, the next three siblings followed in quick succession, there is only 6 years between me and my youngest sister! I guess we started to act as a group, I honestly can't think of a lot of time we had one on one, we did everything together really as a family!
Our eldest was 6 when our 2nd child was born. Although the age gap helped me out, I still miss picking up our eldest and swinging him around. Even my Fiance commented on this just recently.
Beautiful pictures of Che, Jodi. I'm sure you'll figure things out in time. You're the best of Mamas xx
It's a juggle. Sometimes that juggle is finely in tune and the balls are whizzing around perfectly in sync. Other times there are balls all over the shop and all you feel like you are doing is making a mess.
I think every week can get easier though…
xxx
I love that you're still blogging so much about Che… and it's not all just about Poet now. Such a special mama you are. xx
P.S – although some more Poet wouldn't hurt 😉 xx
Hi I love your blog, love your photos and the name Che. I am from Argentina and we use that name a lot not as a name but to call someone who you want their attention. But Ernesto Che Guevarra was a hero for many Argentinians and still is, so it is a beautiful name nevertheless.
Anyway I can relate my son Joaquin is 4 and my daughter Zalia 15 months and the first 12 months with 2 kiddlets is hard and a shock to the system. But my two little ones love each other and play well and things get easier when they interact and get on well. I think it is important to have some one on one time but family time is also great and I think trying to do little things instead of too many things. I think the first year is also a time to not to try to do everything and not to try to get your life the same as it was with just one child. It is very hard to work and have two little ones especially if one is still breastfeeding. I think just do little things that make you happy each day, get plenty of rest and sleep and try to get me time and then It is easier to spend time and balance time with the little ones Anyway sorry for harping on so much. Take care and enjoy your little ones.
This was the most beautiful birth story I have ever heard. I have not had children, and yet could relate on a bodily level how physical and present you were and how important that is – even how that might be. What an amazing thing birth is!! This experience you shared here is something I would want to refresh in my mind if/when we have a child. So much stillness and openness and peace with what is.
oops, I meant to leave the above comment on your post above : )
As a Mum of 7, aged 1,2,3,11,15,17,and 20 ……all I can say is what works for us…..planning moments of one on one time with each child…like coffee dates with the older ones and special story times or walks with the little ones….. also tuning in to the natural daily rhythms of my family helps too – knowing when we need to be home and the best time to be out and about…love your blog, i find it beautiful and relaxing to read….congrats on yr precious little one Jodi