learning from my opposite
a lovely gift from tinyfolk – a house that inspires hours of play
Whilst pregnant with Poet I constantly reminded myself that I had to let go of my birth experience with Che because second time around it was going to be different – I was birthing a different baby. Not once did I consider that the same rule would apply to parenting.
When Poet was about 18-months-old she started to really assert her independence. She is all fire and quirk; she’s fearless, quite demanding and rough with affection. She is my opposite and she’s taught me that while consistency in parenting is important, honouring and respecting the individual child is essential, too. It’s one of the most humbling realisations that I’ve had as a parent; never presume you’ve got it under control because when you do, your two-year-old with throw her head back, let out a raucous laugh and then look you in the eye and say: “No!”
There has been so much intellectualising of parenting lately; there are a myriad of labels and countless news articles explaining “how to”. It can be so overwhelming and to be honest, I often think it’s unnecessary. Right now I’m accepting the fact that sometimes, it’s best to surrender to laughter instead of keeping a straight face.
Daniel and I have had to let go of everything that worked with Che and go back to basics, right back to the beginning. As we wander the windy toddler path we teach right from wrong once the giggles have eased.
It's all so true. I also find it just as challenging to parent the child that is most like me too. I find that the traits that I don't like in myself are highlighted. Not nice at all 😉
Great post Jodi. x
Che is a young, boy version of me. And yes, it can be so confronting to see yourself – all your good and not so good – reflected right back at you. Che has taught me so much about myself x
Thank you, to read your words give more strength, I'm so overwhelmed with parenting right now, I'm over thinking the way to raise my only child.
Such true words.
I totally agree that sometimes it's impossible to keep a straight face… 🙂
Ronnie xo
Yes I can relate to this! I'm also finding that I am different, in myself and as a parent, as each child goes through each stage in such wildly different ways. Wouldn't want to be bored though! :)sarah
So very true Jodi, each little one is unique and consequently, needs unique parenting. My youngest daughter is extremely fiery, very different from my first born who is gentle, soft and sensitive 🙂
I knew from the start my two would be different. 19 years and four days apart, they are so much the same, yet all so different. But then I am different, and so are you. Che may have made you a parent, but he made you 'his' parent. Now Poet is turning you into 'her' parent.
"he made you 'his' parent. Now Poet is turning you into 'her' parent."
I really like that way of thinking.
me too x
Oh Mamma, a busy independent cheeky chops? Yeah over here too. Only unlike you, he is me. Uh-oh.
Oh, she is so, so adorable! She sat down next to us at a cafe the other day, she was so taken with Theo, she just kept staring at him with those beautiful big eyes. I think Amelie was a bit annoyed that she wasn't paying attention to her instead. Amelie is my complete opposite too, I sometimes wonder how I could have produced someone so different from me in every way.
oh really?! She is really besotted with babies at the moment; obviously telling me something 😉
true! true:) I agree:)
I agree. My children couldn't be more different and I find that I have to throw almost everything out the window with my second one. They look just alike but they don't act it at all. 🙂
So true! People forget that parents do have instincts. You don't have to read a million books…you just have to pay attention. Well said.
really great post. The How-to posts are so ridiculously overwhelming and quite pestering. I love the gentleness of letting go and just going with the flow of parenting.
Thank you for sharing this. I admit I am a control freak and I think when we are blessed to have children I just have to let go and let each personality guide me. Ultimately, I want them to be happy and they may teach me more about how that looks like than I could ever imagine.
Thank you for such a beautiful blog!
Carmen
I can´t get enough of this girl! lovely post Jodi
you can see her personality through her pics from miles away, I can´t imagine how she can be in real life, I can tell you that any pic I see of her she brings me a smile, thank you Poet!
late happy birthday to her and you x
i needed to read this so much right now. Lily will be 4 in november and lately she is even more strong willed…. she has been quite the challenge for me lately.
increasingly I see how labour prepares a woman for motherhood.
I've found myself deferring to labour techniques/lessons in a hundred ways I never expected when I'm parenting.
s
Lovely! My son reminds me so much of myself at times and at other times he is just like his Papa! It is so right to be in the moment, to laugh when we want to be serious, to let our children be children, you seem to do quite well at this Jodi, and it's wonderful that you're inspiring more women to do the same. A wonderfully beautiful shot of Poet as well!
Oh you always write up the best things for me to read, just at the right time too. I wonder why we don't encourage each other to laugh more, rather than heap on the suggestions of what "worked" to "fix" the problem.
This is so true! After having my first very easy, independant girl the second one 20months later threw me for a suprise. Everything that ever worked didn't, she was just different. And i had thought how her great and healthy eating, her sleeping "through" (5-5 1/2 hrs) from 3 days old, her calmness and people love (i could study as she entertained herself, i could take her with me as i taught prenatal or mum and bub, even with 25+ class size), was all because of my amazing parenting skills!!
Oh how foolish and wrong i was!
My second girl is just as lovely, but she never napped more than 20min, she still wakes up every single night at 21months old. She eats no veggies, pretty much just fruit, pasta and pizza and she loves, loves her mummy. I couldnt put her down for that first year! Whatsoever teach, study or even read a book.
Just like we are all different people, with different interests our kids are to, even with the same dna!
Xo
Sara
I don't know a lot about parenting, but I do know about spending the majority of my time (and their time) together and I think you've definitely hit the nail on the head. Humour and individuality. Keeping those two things in mind surely has to help. I know it does in my day job – I'm sure it must in the most important day job of raising the little cherubs!